Giving Your All

Three years and a half years ago, I crashed.

Hard.

I had been burning the puddles of wax left over from burning the candle at both ends, and there was nothing left. I thought I was giving my all. I thought I was doing what was necessary to succeed in college and with my art.

When I pulled myself back together, I realized I was on a path that would lead to me being known as the man that had a lot going for him, maybe that would achieved greatly, but that no one really knew. My intense work ethic had left me socially isolated.

That realization hurt. I was afraid of that further becoming reality. I knew I didn’t like where it was going, but I didn’t know how to adjust my reality. I wanted more than knowledge and “success”; I wanted awareness, love and life changing connection. The how was elusive.

Three and a half days ago, I was writing in my journal about the commitments I have made to myself at the start of my journey in the Revolutionary Man Leadership Training program. I haven’t been nearly as diligent about keeping all of them as I would have liked. Two pages into this reflective process, I asked a question:

“What would it look like if I was playing all out and giving my all?”

The question went deep for me. It was strange that I had never seriously considered the question before. I’ve been confronted with these ideas of giving my all, doing my best and trying my hardest my entire life, but I had never taken time to know what that looks. The answer to the question rocked my world.

Questions like this seem simple until you try to answer them. When the answer is brutally honest, it is far from grandiose or sexy. I’m still working on a final draft, but here is what I came up with:

If I were giving my all, I would be energized. I would not hesitate. I would be IN. I would engage in all of my relationships fully. I would not fall prey to idle distractions. I would keep my commitments to myself. I would be open to the help of others and would willingly seek guidance. I would play all out – from a place of love, not of fear. I would stop waiting and take action on what others are not. I would breathe deeply. I would be aware of and take care of my own needs. I would give and receive love. I would be present. I would be in the now. I would radiate the fullness of my life and my light.

When I look at this, I know that burning myself up is not playing all out. Giving your all and playing all out is about coming from a place of your greatest strengths in order to give your greatest love. You can only give that greatness if you take care of yourself first.

Knowing what it would look like to give your all and to not hold back in any way is the first important step in actually doing so. Unfortunately it is not the most difficult one. You have to motivate yourself to actually do it.

The Price of Not Playing All Out

It would be so easy to just coast, to do what is good enough to get by, without having to really put ourselves at risk. In fact, its so easy that most of the time that is exactly what we do.

But what are we depriving ourselves of?

If you gave your all for something, what would you get in return? I don’t mean in rewards. Can you find a substitute for that rush of knowing you HAVE done your best? The effects are not just immediate. Every action you take today ripples throughout the rest of your life. If you play all out today, how does that effect your prospective life 30 years from now?

You would know different people. You would most likely have a higher quality of life. You would have a greater amount of self respect. Your confidence would be higher. Your bank account would probably be bigger too. Those all seem like good reasons, but for some reasons, so many people are still on the sidelines.

Raising the Stakes

Tony Robbins talks about the “why” as one of the most crucial steps of goal setting. You have your goal, but you won’t make it without knowing why you need to achieve it. Many people get past the why pretty easily – its obvious to them. Of course you want to be financially free, have fulfilling relationships, or take that trip to Europe. That doesn’t make it a useful why. Usually the stakes are too low and it isn’t PERSONALLY important in a way that compels you to act.

In storytelling, one of the primary mistakes most beginning authors make is to not put it all on the line for their characters. The stakes are left low.

The characters are putting down minimum bets in a game that means nothing instead of going all-in for a game that has their lives (or the world) riding on it.

What happens if a character does not have enough on the line? We stop caring. It doesn’t matter if the character fails or succeeds, because the world will go on. Did it matter if Luke Skywalker succeeded against the Dark Side of the Force? Hell yes. The stakes for him were the lives of his friends, the success of the Rebellion, and the fate of the galaxy. He did not know if he would succeed or if he would fail, but he knew he was going to give his all.

We need to raise the stakes in our own lives. It is impossible to give our all in a situation that we are uninspired by. This could be your job, your hobby, your academics, your relationships – if you won’t take a risk and put yourself out there, you’re not going to be giving your all. Humans easily fall into a habit of sloth, doing what is necessary to get by, unless there is a source of inspiration to get us moving.

Do you know what stakes you are playing for? Are you playing it small in life and just getting by? The world doesn’t have to be on the line (though it is) for you to want to play it big – your own world is already on the line. Are you living life in a way that is rewarding and that sincerely fulfills you? If by assuming your answer is “no,” I am mistaken, please let me congratulate you on your astounding success. You are truly blessed.

If you said “no,” why are you not where you want to be? Let me back up a few steps. Could you tell me perfectly clearly what it would look like for you to be living your life in a way that is rewarding and fulfilling? Could you paint that picture so clearly that I would feel your response to that question? If not, lets dive in and get to the point where you can.

How To Get Clear

Stop, before you read any farther.

Really, stop and pay attention for a second. Stop skimming and read this. Please do this, for you. I know this is a lot to ask, but it IS for you.

I used to sit in chairs at bookstores reading the best of the personal development gurus or in front of my computer screen consuming the best the web had to offer on self improvement. I spent years going nowhere. One change made the difference. I actually opened up a notebook, answered some of the questions I was reading, and doing some of the exercises. Taking action is the only way that you will make a change in your own life.

I sincerely ask you actually take the time to do this for yourself.

You are not here reading this article because you are perfectly content with how everything is. You’re looking for change. I can not give it to you, but you can give it to yourself, right now. The answers to these questions are already inside you. You probably brush past them on a daily basis as you confront any discontent with the way your life is currently. Own your experience and actually do this.

Sit down, take out your journal or a text editor. Look at the questions below and give yourself time to answer them honestly. Answer them with brutal, no-excuses, no-holds-barred honestly. Create a space for yourself to tackle these, for they are big questions if you give them time to be. Here we go:

1. Open your journal and take a deep breath. Take a few.
2. Answer the following questions in any order:
   • What does my ideal life look like?
   • What would my life look like if I was giving my all?
   • What does my life look like right now?
   • What are some simple changes I can make to transform my current life into the ideal life?
3. Stand up, walk around, and give yourself a hug for giving yourself this gift.

I hope answering these questions was a challenging experience for you. Answering these questions forced me to take a look at my life that peeled away all the stories I tell myself. When there are not more stories, no more justifications and excuses, there is only an acceptance of the now. This is where you start from.

Only you know where you stand with yourself. We (maybe not you, but definitely me) can have a tendency to not be aware of ourselves. We are not honest with ourselves because we are afraid of the answers. We are afraid of challenging our own status quo. We don’t want to answer the question, “How did I let things become the way they are?”

Your future is your responsibility. No one is going to make it happen for you.

Great! Now What?

You have begun to grok yourself. What a huge thing! Pat yourself on the back. If you are one of the few that actually read through this and answered the questions, you are to be commended as an incredibly dedicated individual.

I mentioned earlier that this was the first step, and definitely not the easiest. Now you need to maintain that level of honesty with yourself and move forward in transforming your life. Take action.

If you really want to commit yourself to this, I sincerely recommend utilizing water brothers to keep you committed. Share these goals with someone you feel close to that you know will not listen to your excuses when they come up. Make a schedule to check in with them on these commitments.

One step farther than committing to a water brother would be to put a cost on failing to uphold your commitments to yourself. Don’t make this a small cost – make it huge. Commit to making a large fiscal donation to an organization you detest if you fail. Write the check, give it to the person holding you accountable and tell them that if you fail to meet your milestones, that they should send the check. It is harsh and cold, but I promise from personal experience that this is an excellent motivator.

What are some times in your life that you have given your all? How did that experience change you?

Tagged as: give it your all, giving it your all, Goals, grokking, growth, Personal Development, self improvement, tanstaafl