Grok Tool #3: Water Brothers

In this third part of the Grok Tool series, I want to share the powerful concept of “water brothers” from Robert Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land.  Finding true “water brothers” can be a tool for you to grow internally and externally.

Glass of Water by Reiner Shubert

The familial bond is the strongest type of connection that most people ever forge.  In Stranger in a Strange Land, Heinlein offers up a type of bond that is even stronger than family – water brothers.  The bond of water brothers requires much of its members – an open heart, complete honesty, total trust, full and conscious support, and a continual process of growing and grokking closer.  It does not matter whether you are male or female as Martian’s do not subscribe to gender identification, so please excuse the gender specific pronoun in the term.

On Heinlein’s Mars, water is extremely scarce (more rare than gold on Earth).  When two or more Martian’s desire to become water brothers, they share a sip of water.  Not a sip, just a few droplets.  Cherishing this extremely valuable source of life together, they seal a bond of commitment.  While the Martian’s live in material poverty, they place supreme value on their relationships.  They believe that this is the source of emotional wealth.  Indeed it is, as the happiest people that we meet are those with the most fulfilling personal relationships.

Water brotherhood can be experienced in two ways:  within a one to one relationship, and within a group settings in which all are each others water brothers.

Mono y Mono

Have you ever been involved in a relationship that was overflowing with love?  A relationship that was selfless, full of trust, completely open and that you both grew immensly from?  Chances are that it was with a romantic partner, a best friend, or a parent/mentor.  These three areas are the ones that you will most often encounter the essence of being water brothers.

As a water brother you can draw on these relationships in ways that are atypical of other relationshis.  The complete love, openness and honesty create a space for new manners of communication.  The trust given each water brother is total and the love is without reservation.  To be water brothers is to accept each other in totality.

Without a doubt, your water brother has your back.  Water brothers do not shy away from sharing difficult truths, observations and emotions openly.  They communicate these to you in an authentic manner.  As a water brother, it is your duty to do the same in return.  This level of communication is the point most relationships stop short of.  Our society is so focused on sugar-coating our lives that this authenticity is rarely reached.  By finding a water brother you are able to go deeper and grow from experiencing a transformative relationship.

Many y Many

A tribe of water brothers may provide an even more intense experience than one on one.  I have just recently come to understand the significance of this group connection.

At the outset of this year I joined Jayson Gaddis’s Revolutionary Man Leadership Training with 12 other men.  The first weekend I met these men, I knew that I had found a tribe of water brothers.  The impact of being in a group of water brothers is staggering – the authenticity required to be a part of this group is higher than has been demanded of me before; the energy of such a group is empowering; the openness and vulnerability of others is eye opening.  Being in a group such as this demands more than most relationships I’ve ever been a part of.

Tribes like this offer the opportunity to give your gifts.  When you are part of a group of water brothers, you want the best for each other.  This includes supporting, encouraging and lifting each other up toward goals and commitments.  While the importance of a mentor cannot be understated, you can learn just as much from a group of passionately driven water brothers as you would from a mentor.  If you are looking to push your edges in relationships and life, I highly recommend finding a tribe of water brothers of your own.

In Stranger in a Strange Land, two separate water brothers of Valentine Michael Smith are consequently water brothers to each other.  This happens to a minor degree in many groups out there – someone you know introduces you to someone they trust.  You transfer the trust you have for the one you know (some of it) to the person that you meet.  How would you react to that new person if your friend said, “I trust and love this person completely and without reservation,”?  I bet that you’d need a bit of time to say the same, but you would be more open to it.

A tribe of water brothers can grow rapidly as these types of introductions are made.  If you have a water brother already, see who they are close to and attempt to make more connections.  You amplify each other in a group more than when you are separately connected.

Making the Connection, Taking a Sip

The hardest part of this is being open to water brothers.  You may want this type of relationship and the love, trust, and authenticity that come with, but you must be willing to give all of these things before you will receive them.

If you believe there is a person or group of people you would like to share this bond with, the first step is to talk to them openly.  Explain the relationship you want to have with them.  After they hear you, be open to their response whether it is affirmative or not.  If they are open to such a relationship, you can offer them a sip of water … or you can take action toward the level of relationship you want to establish.

I sincerely hope that you are able to make such a connection.  You will give and receive more than you knew possible.

Where have you found these connections in your life?  Who are your water brothers?  What impact have they had?

Tagged as: grok tool, grokking, Heinlein, men's group, relationships, stranger in a strange land, water brother, women's group