Meet my friend: the ego.
The ego is the generous companion who lets me take time off of being self aware, while it drives my emotions and reactions.
Very nice of the ego, isn’t it?
I would be a fool to pretend that I am in control of my emotions at all times. Most of the time I operate from one of two extremes:
In the first, I am so out of touch with my emotions that I am unaware of how I am being affected.
In the other, I am so driven by the strength of my emotions in the moment that I am filled to the brim, sometimes overflowing.
There are many segments of time where I am filled with consciousness and self awareness. When I let the ego drive, I find myself wanting sympathy, apologies, attention, praise and recognition. I even subconsciously pursue it.
The ego takes over the mind and dwells upon insignificant details within a situation, magnifying and igniting them. It is a self frenzy-inducing cycle that can be difficult to break free from.
Are you aware of when the ego gets behind the wheel? If you’re not, you’re an emotional slave.
The Ego’s Wants
The ego craves and lusts after attention. The ego is the victim, the superstar, and the good Samaritan. It is the ego that fights to be right to the point of absurdity, and it is the ego that is indignant when wrong. The ego acts from fear of not being enough and not having enough.
You are not your ego – but when you are not aware of your ego, you can become a slave to it.
Pretend for a moment that someone you depend on has stood you up without an explanation. While this happens, what do you do?
Most people that I’ve met go straight to “How dare they! I was completely depending on them for this.” Your ego has been insulted because this person did not respect your needs enough or pay you enough attention. For the lost attention, most folks will cause a stink by demanding apologies and making it into a huge issue.
The ego is often unwilling to consider alternatives that would bring no attention to itself – such as an unforeseen circumstance or an accident. As long as you let it, the ego will keep driving your reactions.
Breaking Ego’s Hold
We don’t have to be slaves to our emotions. There are other paths. Self awareness is the key to breaking the grip of ego over you.
You can begin by asking one simple question: “Why am I doing this?”
The question can apply to an action, where you might be seeking attention instead of pursuing a goal, or a reaction, where you take a stance that fuels your ego.
If you are searching to boost your ego by performing well, you are on a path that never reaches fulfillment. Each task begins to be greater and greater, yet never finding inner peace. The answer is on the outside, and not within you.
If you are seeking attention in reaction, whether by being the victim or lashing out, your fulfillment also lies outside yourself.
The ego believes that the cure to all of its woes is to be found outside of you. In pursuit of these, the ego will take or give away power as necessary to receive attention.
When you ask the question, you realize that you are not your ego. The question promotes self awareness in the moment. You are able to observe your actions and your thoughts – so are you the observer or are you the thinker/actor?
There are not two of you in your head, I promise. You are not merely the thoughts that you associate with yourself. You exist separately, which is why you can break the ego’s grasp.
By acquiring an answer to the question, you will be able to take conscious action, instead of being driven by your ego’s whips.
Ask. Answer. Act with Awareness.
When you manage to sever the ego’s hold, you will be free to live with compassion instead of with fear.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I ask myself, “What am I making this mean?” and that quickly provides some perspective from my ego. Getting clear on the story I'm making up is freeing and since I'm suddenly aware it's all made up, I can make up a better story.
Great post Jonathan… is it the ego that wants sugar to keep it all sickly sweet? (on the outside, remember the inside is acid).
This is also important to remember: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UduuxKdPt9Q
It's really not a bad thing – it can actually give people a step forward to fulfilling dreams and as you say asking the question “why am I doing this” is a great reality check – get back in to the drivers seat and put that ego passenger in the boot.
I don't think the ego is in charge of the sugar drive, but it certainly contributes to the withdrawal emotions in an amplifying fashion.
I agree that ego is not always a bad thing (that video was wacky… the bassists moustache was most definitely fake), but the way that it drives us unconsciously is where the risk comes in. If it was just in service of our dreams and consciousness, no problem. Unfortunately, it tends not to be.
Sandi, that's an amazing question! Most occasions boil down into a search for meaning in some fashion.
One of my favorite books on ego has been A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. He provides a lot of great tips on moving past the story and ego.
How do you feel about accepting the present instead of making up a better story? I'm a bit unsure, as it seems like you're still being driven by a story if you make up a new one. On the other hand, stories are so ingrained that it can be great idea to use them as tools in personal development. I'd love to hear your perspective!
It seems to me that making up a better story could be admitting the truth, or a method for consciously changing how you look at the situation. The new story could have a more logical, forgiving, understanding feel to it, thereby forcing your ego to back off, since it doesn't ever really want to give up willingly.
Yes, I agree it's the unconscious drive that's the risk… any unconscious driver is a risk to society when you think about it, and that's a great way to distinguish what happens when ego takes over.
And, YeS, it's definitely fake, so was the singing – completely mimed… still, love the band and the songs they wrote – 'horror movie… it's the sixthirty news'.
Yes, and I agree it's the unconscious drive that's the risk… any unconscious driver is a risk to society when you think about it, and that's a great way to distinguish what happens when ego takes over.
And, YeS, it's definitely fake, so was the singing – completely mimed… still, love the band and the songs they wrote- horror movie… it's there on your TV.
I appreciate that contribution Bethany – I definitely have to believe that the stories we live by have room for forgiveness and messing up. They don’t all have to be picture perfect, eh?
I appreciate that contribution Bethany – I definitely have to believe that the stories we live by have room for forgiveness and messing up. They don't all have to be picture perfect, eh?
If I had a TV
If I had a TV